Do you get along with your neighbours?
Fortunately for me, I’ve never really had dreadful neighbours. The worst I’ve had was when the couple who lived above our flat in Oxford didn’t sort out their rubbish into the different bins and I complained to the property agent about it. The complain was valid because it was disgusting to have trash oozing out of the bins which could attract pests.
We’ve been fortunate in Germany to not have inconsiderate neighbours. There are 8 units in our block and people greet each other. As I’m home most of the time, I’m more than happy to collect parcels for my working neighbours to save them trips to the post office.
Due to the language barrier, there is only one neighbour that I engage in actual conversations with. Most of the time she tells me ridiculous stuff like the following:
Me: So how’s your new apartment? Settled in well? Is it noisy or anything like that?
Neighbour: All is great! And I hear EVERYTHING. Like EVERYTHING.
(Left me puzzled because we don’t hear ANYTHING!)
*Door bell rang*
Neighbour: Good afternoon! I just wanted to check on you to see if you’ve given birth!
Me: Awww… That’s sweet!
Neighbour: I think about you and your baby ALL THE TIME!
Neighbour: NEVER let the doctors do a C-section on you or induce you! I have 3 children. TRUST ME!
Me: (More than the doctors?)
Daniel had a bad cough for weeks.
Neighbour: You cough a lot. Do you smoke?
Me: Sorry about it, he had a bad cough and cold.
Neighbour: I see! I was about to knock on your door and advise Daniel to stop smoking!
Neighbour: You must eat a lot of salt because your eyes are puffy.
Me: (Thanks! I’m overdue and now I’m basically told I look like a bloody puffer fish.)
Neighbour: (Upon seeing me STILL with a bump) You’re still not here, JEREMY!?!?!
Me: (Who the hell is Jeremy?)
Neighbour: I hope you didn’t spend too much on clothes for your baby.
Me: We got what’s necessary and lots of presents.
Neighbour: That’s lovely! I hope people got you bigger sizes and not only newborn size.
Me: Yeah, we have a good mix from 0-3mth to bigger sizes.
Neighbour: 0-3mths is too small!!! You should start buying from 6mths and just dress your baby up in bigger sizes!
Me: (Yah right… Dress a newborn in a sleepsuit for 6mths old. I could tie the ends of the sleeves and feet together so my baby looks mental!)
Neighbour: If you need a ride to the hospital, just get Daniel to ring my doorbell. However, I have a two-seater. He’ll need to run behind my car.
Me: Thanks for the offer! (Surely my husband will be very pleased about that?)