Mad Confessions Of A First-Time Mum

I confess that I’ve fallen head over heels with Theo. I’ve fallen into the group of mums who share ultra cute videos and pictures on Facebook with family and friends. Most people hit the “Like” button (thank you!!!). Those who don’t have probably “Unfriend” or “Unfollow” me (don’t really care). Being a first-time mum (and not a really cool and laid back mum), I find myself doing unthinkable stuff for Theo.

1. Wash him with black tea
“WHAT?!?!” was my first reaction. Theo came home from the hospital with a nasty nappy rash. His bottom was so red like a baboon. Barrier cream wasn’t allowing his delicate newborn skin to breathe. So my midwife told me to wash his butt with cooled black tea.
Good, old PG Tips was put to good use. Apparently black tea has healing properties. It didn’t stain his bottom.

Want to know Dan’s response to using black tea on his son?

“Do we add milk and sugar?”

So yes, my half-English boy has had a fair amount of tea… On his butt.

2. Multi-purpose sanitary pads
My iron levels were ridiculously low after birth. When I first got out of bed in the afternoon after being ripped apart in the operating theatre, I must have looked so pale. A cold chill ran up my spine and my vision was blurry. I felt so faint when the nurse helped me up. Immediately, she got hold of a fresh piece of maternity sanitary pad (those stuff are so thick that they might as well be pillows!), wet it with cold water and slapped it on my forehead!

Sanitary pad on my forehead. Glamorous, eh?

3. Spread quark on my breasts
Have engorged breasts? I feel for you. So freaking painful!

The lactation specialist helped me massage the breasts in hospital. I might have been under the influence of drugs when I said this to her, “Gosh, you’re amazing! Can you come home and massage my breasts for me?”

She didn’t stop at massaging. She came back with a cold nappy to help relieve my pain. After that, she placed some gauze that had very cold quark on it on my breasts. I was in heaven although I smelt terrible with all that quark.

4. Breastmilk seems to heal everything
You have no idea how stressed out I got when Theo had a rash on his face when he was 6 weeks old. I convinced myself he was going to be disfigured for life.

Solution from midwife: Apply a little of my powerful breastmilk on his skin.

Theo’s eyes were a little watery (no idea why) and I thought “He’s going blind!!!!”

Solution from midwife: Use my powerful breastmilk as eyedrops.

I swear it did cross my mind to pump milk into bottles to sell them in the black market. “Miracle Milk with Healing Power” it was to be called.


9 thoughts on “Mad Confessions Of A First-Time Mum

  1. expatfrankfurt

    Great idea! I am going to try it on my half english offspring and see if they complain. without milk and sugar though….

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